First, sorry I haven't posted in so long. Too much to do, too little time to do it. But I love this time of year and all the wonderful craziness it brings.
I am feeling so grateful for good friends right now. I spent 2 hours on the phone with Gina today and probably would have spent another hour if kids waking up from naps and husbands getting home from work hadn't interrupted us. (So glad they do though!) I hope Gina doesn't mind me giving a brief background here... She's recently been working with her doctor and exploring some possibilities for fertility treatment. There is a lot going on in her life right now and after having 3 boys in less than 4 years (I know - wow!) she and Jason are having some difficulty getting pregnant again. I'm not minimizing the situation, only limiting the unnecessary details here. We spent a good portion of our time on the phone today just chatting about it. Talking about Heavenly Father's time table. About giving ourselves a little credit for the stress our minds and bodies go thru. And about how grateful we are for our collective 5 BOYS! (not including wonderful husbands!)
I have a friend in the ward who recently asked me why I thought it was that I miscarried twice between Aiden and Zack. I think she thought maybe there was a physical problem that I could enlighten her with, she having miscarried recently as well. The truth though is that medically speaking miscarriages - even two in a row - are rather uneventful. Medically speaking. I can never deny the intense emotional pain that exists in being so excited to welcome another of Heavenly Father's spirits into your home only to lie on the ultrasound table, alone in a new state, far away from my mom and realize that sweet excitement doesn't have a heartbeat. Maybe never did. Maybe only produced enough pregnancy hormone to read positive on the test and then slowly fade away again. But let me explain the peace I have felt since this friend asked me about my miscarriages (not Gina, the friend in my ward). I was able to tell her that I have no doubt that the only reason I miscarried is that Heavenly Father knew I couldn't handle Aiden and a 14 month old. He knew that I would have a REALLY hard time handling Aiden and a 20 month old. I feel so strongly that His communication with me (had I been in tune enough then) would have gone something like this:
"Tiff, I'm so pleased that you and Jeremy want to raise more of my beloved spirit children. I want to send them to you. But right now Tiff, that would be a trial that you couldn't handle. I can't give you a trial that I know you can't handle. I've promised I'll never do that. So, I'm going to give you a different trial. You won't be able to carry these pregnancies for very long. I'll be here for you and cry with you when you find out they're gone. But be strong because I have a plan for you and this family you are working so hard at. I love you."
I am so grateful for the perspective that I have gained. I'm so blessed.
I am so glad for good friends who inspire me. Gina is one of the best! She is taking her trial in stride and has faith that she will have the same eternal perspective that Heavenly Father has for her. She is a great mom. She is hard on herself, but she's great. She worries that she has crazy kids, but we are mothers of boys. They chase spiders and climb 8 ft ladders and stand on their heads and bounce off of walls. They are boys. But they are our little strippling warriors. So to Gina, and all of my wonderful friends, I love you! You are all amazing examples of what good mothers are. Thanks for teaching me!
8 comments:
Tiffany, I love you! You inspire me and I confess, I get a lot of good Mom ideas from you. You are a true friend, and that even though we are not sisters by relation, you are my sister. I am honored that Heavenly Father has seen it fit that I received the opportunity to get to know you again in this life. You always be forever in my heart as one of my favorite people. Thank you for your friendship!
Thank you so much for sharing your revelation. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me. I feel like a new person. Thank you will never fully express my appreciation.
Tiff, you have done exactly as Heavenly Father would want... you found the Eternal Perspective and what a great gift it is to know that you will be able to raise those babies some day!
Thank you so much for sharing that Tiff! You have such a wonderful sweet spirit! Your testimony brought tears to my eyes. Isn't it such a blessing to know that this life isn't the end and that we'll be able to be with our families forever?
I started reading a blog where a family recently lost their little boy. They were privileged to have
Elder Richard G. Scott come to their house and talk with them personally and give them an Apostolic Blessing.
While he was talking to them he said (this is quoted from what the mother wrote on the blog)
"He told us that with little children there are NEVER accidents. He said that children that are blessed with disease or taken before the age of accountability had proven themselves honorably, and so noble that He had to guarantee their safe return Home with Him. To save them from a world where they could be saved by Satan's influence on every front."
You just never know why they are taken. You might have been given the revelation that it wasn't because you couldn't handle them close together but I believe we all adapt with what we are given.
Thank you for sharing. I am sorry for your losses. I didn't know.
Isn't perspective a wonderful gift? I hope you guys are doing well. You cute little boys are so much fun to watch grow up!
That was a wonderful post. Thank you.
I suppose we all should reflect at times and realize that most trials are because we can handle them.
As parents, we usually know what is best for out little ones, even though they complain and don't understand. And isn't it amazing that it is the same way with us and Heavenly Father? I am often amazed at the parallels between parenting here on earth and our relationship with Heavenly Father.
Thanks for sharing. :)
I got the ball on Toys 'r' us. I got it with a few other toys that you can't get at Walmart or Target. I did see some on ebay as well after I placed the order. It is the Taggies line. They have some other things, including a football. The ball is actually a good size too. Let me know if you need any links.
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