Yesterday was my little Delaney's 2nd "birthday". Last year, it was a pretty tough day. I was just 19 days away from delivering James. I was kind of (ok REALLY) a basket case. I had a lot that I was up against... pregnancy hormones coursing through me, concern for this new baby's safety & life and the memory of delivering a still, silent baby. I remember crying a lot on June 2nd both two years ago and last year.
This year, I have not cried. Well... not until I started writing this post. I have spent time remembering and pondering my experience. I've been grateful that I'll see her again. I've snuggled my nearly 1 year old boy closer. But the sting of losing her is less this year. We don't talk about her as often as we once did. When her name does come up, I am grateful that my kids still remember. I'm glad that they know her in a way. I'm glad that they have her supporting them from beyond the veil. And that they know it! We have all been blessed by her spirit since the day she was conceived.
Today, a very close friend of mine is in the hospital delivering her first. A little boy. She and her husband are like family to us. Their son (from his first marriage) is a year younger than Aiden and a year older than Zack. They are good little friends and they play like cousins. I feel like I'm gaining a nephew today. I am so excited to hold that healthy little baby and breathe in his preciousness.
I occasionally ache to hold Delaney again. Her tiny little body was so perfect. She looked like Chloe. I slept with her on my chest and to this day I am so glad I got that night with my little angel. I was nervous before her delivery that her body would scare me or that it would be weird to have a dead body to "deal with". But when you create something so perfect and she comes straight from Heaven, dead or alive, she is yours. You love her and there is nothing weird about loving her in whatever form she is given to you. I can not wait to hold her again. To play with her. I hope that one day she will crawl all over me as I lay on the floor in Heaven. That she will give me open mouth, slobbery, baby kisses. I pray that my family and I will live worthy of that privilege.
Until then, I will hold and kiss these other babies of mine. And I will steal a little time with the babies that are born around me.
Happy Birthday my little Delaney. Momma loves you!
